yes, we still exist.

To say I underestimated how busy I would be during this deployment is an understatement. Yeah. I feel like I am still catching my breath from the holiday season and it’s already Spring Break. I am still allowed to use that term, since I’m still a student.

 

Things of note:

– Grady is growing like a weed. He is talking non-stop, working on potty learning, takes a weekly gymnastics class, and is loving his time spent at school. Such a big boy!

– I graduate in May! You didn’t see it, but I totally just did a cartwheel and a toe touch.

– The brewery is keeping us hopping (beer geeks may chuckle at that)!

– A new photography season is looming on the horizon. While I am excited about seeing my clients again, I am a little nervous.

– I will be writing a bi-weekly article for the Hope Star Journal. SO, if you want to know what it’s all about, pick up a copy. If I find some time, I may write about my little article subjects here on the blog. I could always copy and paste, but that takes work :)

– The deployment is passing… I can’t say quickly. I can’t say slowly. Time seems to be flying but the deployment seems to be dragging. I realize this is an impossibility, since the two are quite closely connected to one another, but there you have it.

– Abe is doing well, though is he ready to come home. We’re ready to receive him!

 

There you have it! A quick update without any pictures. I am so lame. Feel free to agree!

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acceptable is acceptable.

This year, I need to focus on making some changes within myself. I really struggle with disappointment in myself. I always feel as though I could be doing better. I could be a better wife, a better mom, a better business owner, a better student, a better daughter, sister, etc.

Now, I don’t feel like there is anything inherently wrong with the desire to better oneself. In fact, I think it is a great thing to always strive to be better in life. It is great to have the desire to not only better oneself but to have a positive impact on others’ lives by being a better person. Striving to be better is honorable.

My problem is that I have this unattainable standard of “better” for myself. I am very hard on myself. I am not good enough, period, no matter how hard I try. I’m not talking about materialistic things here. I’m okay with my body, my looks, my car, my wardrobe, etc. I realize that I live an incredibly blessed life with a wonderful (patient, understanding, kind, and – I’ll be a little shallow – handsome) husband, a healthy, intelligent, vivacious son, and incredibly supportive family. We do not know need. We do not know true suffering. We are truly blessed.

The root of my issues, I think, is a result of this issue I have with wasted potential. I know that I am capable of so much, there is all this potential within me, but I cannot seem to do anything 100%. I cannot give all of myself to any one thing and that frustrates me. I have anxiety issues and, as a result, control issues. This wasted potential seems to be within my control, yet at the same time beyond my control. When I feel like I am not the best I can be at whatever it is I am attempting to accomplish, I really, really, really beat myself up. Badly. This has to stop. Because when I beat myself up, I feel rotten about myself and this rotten feeling seeps into other areas of my life and I wind up hurting those wonderful people I mentioned above.

This year I am going to attempt to focus on the idea that acceptable is, well, acceptable. Of course, I won’t give up on being the best I can be at whatever it is I am taking on, but if I fall short of excellence, acceptable is acceptable. If I don’t miss a deadline but my work is still accomplished and not inconveniencing others, acceptable is acceptable. If I don’t manage to get all As and Bs in my (final three!!!) classes and get a C, acceptable is acceptable.

I have to lose this need to control everything. Wasted potential is sad; it is not the end of the world. There is always next week, next month, next year to refocus on certain goals and to be better. Obviously, we do not live forever and we are not promised tomorrow, but today I am going to focus on being kind to me, doing the best I can, and being accepting of myself at the times when I fall short of my potential.

busy.

As I prepare for Abe’s short time at home before he heads over to Kuwait, I have found myself to be incredibly busy, busy, busy. Busy with clients, projects, preparing for school, the list goes on. Oh, and there is that sweet little toddler that keeps me busy as well :)

 

I will have more projects and pictures to share early in the week and, of course, stay tuned for the weekly photo dump tomorrow.

morning



Grady is at his most adorable in the mornings. This morning, he say cross-legged on the living room floor while he ate his blueberries with the sweetest expression on his face. Our little two year old… such a blessing.